


An Embarrassment of Snitches

by QuixoticRogue



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: An Inquisitor Totem Pole, Butchered Metaphors, Gen, Mild Language, Pre-Game(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9448310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuixoticRogue/pseuds/QuixoticRogue
Summary: In which the Carta and Dalish spies meet at the Conclave.





	

Edric Cadash was the worst spy ever.

He'd been tasked with an important mission, vital to the future of the Carta and his House. He'd been ordered to monitor the Chantry's peace talks and find out if a truce could be formed and which side of the war to initially support with lyrium shipments if one could not. He'd travelled across all of Ferelden to reach the Conclave, battling bandits and beasts along the way. He'd sneaked through the town of Haven, careful to avoid the mages, templars and mercenaries who resided there. He'd climbed up a bloody mountain to be here and he _wasn't tall enough to see through the fucking window_.

Edric stared straight ahead at the stone wall of the temple. He imagined, if he wasn't a surfacer, he would at least find some appreciation for the masonry involved in its construction. But he wasn't, and all he could think of was that it was too smooth and too flat to climb up to get a look through the window one-and-a-half feet above his head.

He jumped. Once. Twice. A third time, utterly sure that that would be when he'd sprout up several feet and he could watch the meetings with ease. He came back to the ground and looked around again for something he could stand on but he was on a ledge on a mountain and the only boulders large enough to be useful were down a sharp cliff.

Edric growled, trying to keep himself quiet in case there was someone on the other side of the wall. He couldn't carve through the bricks with his daggers either for the same reason, so he settled for bringing his head against the wall over and over, planning to do that until either the stone or his skull broke.

A lot of people high up in the Carta were counting on him, had trusted him with this responsibility. Letting them down would certainly not be good.

"Are you alright there?" came a voice behind him.

Edric whirled around, drawing a dagger. He expected to see one of those Qunari mercenaries, instead he was faced with the slight, smiling form of an elf. He kept his dagger raised and put his finger to his lips, gesturing with his head towards the window.

The elf walked over to it calmly, seeming not to notice the dagger. She faced the window with her back to him and it was then Edric spotted the staff on her back. The elf was a mage and, by the looks of the armour she was wearing, she wasn't from a Circle. She hadn't threatened him like one of the merc guards would have and Edric came to wonder if she was a spy like him.

If she was, she was only marginally better than he was. The elf was stood on tip-toes, craning her neck as far up as it would go, and her eyes only just came above the ledge. She stood in that ridiculous pose for another moment before turning back to him.

"I don't think we need to be quiet," she said, whispering anyway. "There's no one there."

Edric's relief was immediately followed by anxiety. Had he missed it? Was this the right window? The elf seemed to notice none of it on his face and offered her hand.

"I'm Ellana," she said.

Edric stared at the hand for a moment, expecting at any second for her to shoot lightning out at him or something. There was nothing but sincerity in her eyes, however. Slowly, he put his dagger away and grasped her hand with his own. "Edric," he replied, keeping the handshake firm.

"Nice to meet you." She turned back to the window, standing on her toes again to peer through. She gave up after a few seconds and reached behind her for her staff.

Edric gripped his sheathed daggers again, unsure if she was planning on the blowing the wall apart or maybe creating some type of listening rune. He watched as she planted it into the ground, twisting the shaft to ensure it was securely in place. He walked around to get a better look at her face, an expression of complete concentration written across it as she pushed down on the staff... and hopped on the spot.

From the sound of it, the effort didn't afford her much more success because she landed with a huff and put here staff away. She walked away from the wall and Edric thought for a moment she was going to leave but, when she reached the edge of the precipice, she turned around and began following it back, her eyes sweeping the ground. She appeared to be searching the ledge for boulders or smaller rocks that could make some form of platform, going through the same motions he'd been through just an hour earlier.

He didn't bother pointing out that there were none. "What are you doing here?" he asked instead.

Ellana kept her gaze on the ground as she answered: "Keeper Deshanna sent me here to spy on the Conclave. She told me that what happened here would affect all elves." Edric listened carefully to her voice. She sounded like she cared about more than just the responsibility granted but also the duty itself. She sounded like she wanted to help her people. He could work with that. "What about you?" she asked a moment later.

"Hm? Uh, yeah," he said, formulating an answer quickly. "My House, Cadash, is known for its heroes. Dogan the Strong, Tonka the Brave, Malika the... Tall. Helping out Orzammar, that sort of thing." He nodded, hoping she was buying it. "This would affect all dwarves, that's what they said."

He almost felt guilty for lying to someone who seemed so sweet but, then again, it was hardly a malicious thing, not telling someone about your involvement with a crime syndicate. Ellana didn't seem to question his response anyway and her search came to a fruitless end.

They stood in silence for a moment, the only sound coming from the light howl of the wind. An idea began to form in Edric's mind. He cleared his throat, drawing Ellana's attention and flashed his best effort at a charming smile.

"Hey. What do you say to helping a fellow people-aiding spy out?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Ellana fixed him with what looked like a sceptical expression.

"How about I climb on your shoulders, look through the window and relay what's happening."

That was _definitely_ a sceptical expression. "I don't know," she said. "You look really heavy and I don't think my shoulders are wide enough for you."

Edric nodded. So it was going to be like _that_. "Well, how about I throw pebbles at the windows and, when someone comes to check it out, we can ask them what's happening inside and just hope they don't bother to report a rogue _apostate_ roaming around outside?"

"Hey! That's not fair!" she exclaimed and he watched her compile a quick, mental list of alternatives. "Maybe _I_ could stand on your shoulders."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen."

"Or you could get on your hands and knees and I'll stand on your back."

"That won't either."

"Or would you like me to find you a box?"

"Do you see a box up this mountain, Sunshine?"

"Hey!" A third voice. Edric and Ellana turned to face the hulking form of a Qunari standing on the ledge. Edric gripped his daggers and, beside him, he felt the elf reach for her staff. The Qunari's great sword remained on his back and he didn't appear to be making a move for it but he was still a very obvious threat that Edric found himself backing away from.

"Are you here help your people too?" Ellana asked. The Qunari just stared at her.

"If by 'your people' you mean the Valo-Kas mercenaries hired to guard the Divine Conclave, then yes."

Edric slowly stepped around the elf, putting her between him and that grey warship on legs. Her staff was still on her back but he could see the sparks curling around her fingers. They were distracted now. This was his chance to do... something.

Thinking on his feet, Edric drew his dagger, kicked out Ellana's knees from behind, catching her as she fell and holding his blade to her neck.

"Let me leave in peace or I slit her throat," he announced.

The Qunari raised an eyebrow. "She's an apostate likely trying to interfere with the Conclave. What do I care?"

Shit. "Yep," he said." I didn't really think that part through."

Ellana moved in her awkward position bent over backwards, not quite struggling. "And you didn't think this through either," she called out to the mercenary, "cornering a mage all by yourself."

"I don't need any help."

Flames began to engulf her hand. "Really? Because I'm First of my clan. If desperate, I could burn your flesh from the inside out." Edric kept his dagger to her throat but looked at her, trying to work out what the elf was doing. "If you try and take us down the mountain unwillingly, we'll struggle and you'll have to take us one at a time," she continued. "So, the way I see it, you have a fox-chicken-seed problem on your hands."

The Qunari looked at her sceptically. "He doesn't really want to kill you."

The pair nodded emphatically.

"Yes, he does!"

"I really do!"

Ellana nodded before repeating, "So, you have a fox-chicken-seed problem."

"A what?"

"A fox- You know. The fox wants to eat the chicken. The chicken wants to eat the seeds. The seeds want to eat the fox. That problem. You have _that_ problem on your hands."

Scepticism became confusion. "Wait a minute. But I want to want to attack both of you. The fox doesn't want the seeds."

The elf gave an exasperated sigh. "Well, I guess that means you're not the fox."

"The fox is the predator. How am I not the fox?"

"Just shut up and listen to my metaphor! You're not the fox, you're a chicken. And Edric over here is the seeds."

"I am?"

"Yes, you are."

"So that makes you the fox," ventured the Qunari.

"Yes, I am the bloody fox. And if you try to take me down the mountain unwillingly I'm going to kill you with my magic powers. So, you're going to wait until we've seen all we need to see then we all come down the mountain with you voluntarily."

The mercenary nodded, seeming to follow along this far. "You're still missing the part where I don't care if he slits your throat."

Ellana nodded back. "I imagine it would look good for you if you capture a rogue apostate spying on the Conclave all by yourself. So, what do you say?"

The Qunari warrior stood in thought for a moment. "How do the seeds eat the fox?"

"I don't fucking know. Are you going to let us stay or not?"

He raised his arms in a shrug. "Fine. I don't paid enough to deal with this shit anyway. If you try anything other than watch though, I'll... eat you."

"Thank you," Ellana said indignantly, tapping Edric on the arm. The dwarf took that as his cue to release her and the elf straightened and marched over to the window, or at least the wall beneath it.

Edric slowly sheathed his dagger again, eyeing the Qunari carefully, unsure what to do. His mind wandered back to a certain idea.

"Say," he said, "how much _do_ you get paid?"

 

Ellana Lavellan grimaced slightly at the wall in front of her. She'd come to represent her clan and people. She'd travelled many miles to be here and she wasn't going to be stopped by Qunari, dwarves or Creators-damned _rock_.

She planted her staff, firmly into the ground again and readied herself for another jump. The icy wind was getting to her and she breathed on her hands before gripping the staff. She jumped. The room was still empty. She jumped again. Was that a door opening? She jumped a thir-

_Whack!_

Her head collided with something dense. She landed on her feet and stumbled to the side, nursing the back of her skull. When everything stopped swimming, she opened her eyes and looked up. Above her was the thick, grey torso of the Qunari who had been leaning over her, something he'd been doing to afford a better view for the dwarf on his shoulders.

Edric peered clearly through the window, the look on his face of exaggerated interest. Ellana straightened up.

"Could you please tell me what's happening inside, Edric?" she asked.

The dwarf hummed and hawed for a moment, eyes never leaving whatever scene was being played within the room. "Perhaps, but then why should I?" he replied.

"Because that's part of the deal?" she tried.

Edric shook his head, high above her. "That was part of the deal that involved me sitting on _your_ shoulders. This is an entirely new deal between myself and the absolutely wonderful Kaaras Adaar here." He patted the Qunari on the horns.

"So, you're not even going to give me a hint of what's going on in there?" she asked.

Edric hummed and hawed some more. "Well," he said, drawing the one syllable word out as long a possible. "I suppose I _could_ be ridiculously kind and let you sit on his shoulders..."

"Thank you."

"But then _I_ would need to sit somewhere else, wouldn't I?"

Ellana scowled, immediately knowing where this was going. And she'd been so cheery when she'd gotten here. "Fine," she said.

 

The winds outside the temple were bitter and savage but Edric supposed that was to be expected when one was on top of a mountain, on top of a Qunari, on top of an elf.

The room through the window was the antechamber of the main meeting hall and delegates from all parties were waiting within. He had been mentally taking notes on all their doings and the faces he recognised, struggling to concentrate over the sound of his own teeth chattering. At least it didn't look like it was going to snow.

The doors to the antechamber opened again and a group of similarly dressed humans strode in. By the looks of it, only one, a human woman, was a noble, the rest were servants. Her coat, heavy and furred and perfect against the weather outside, was taken. She was led to a pillowed chair. There she was brought some biscuits and an empty cup. A servant appeared with a pot of something and poured into it.

"What is that?" asked Edric.

"I think it's stripweed tea," came the reply from below him. He didn't really care what it was made from. Just seeing steam rise up from it was enough for him to want it.

"Who is she?"

"She's from the Free Marches," said Ellana. "I recognise her clothes. Ostwick?"

Adaar shrugged under them and they all rose up for a moment. "I just know she's one of the Trevelyans," he said. "She wanted me to clean her sword."

They watched the human dunk her biscuits, drink her tea and otherwise be doted on by her servants. Edric grimaced in the cold.

"Bloody nobles."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

The trio looked on with envy as they tried to keep the shivering to minimum and waited for the Conclave to begin.

**Author's Note:**

> For a long time I've had this image in my mind of Trevelyan drinking tea on a couch poshly (sticky-uppy pinky and all that) while a totem pole of the other Inquisitors look in grumpily through a window behind her. I can't draw so this is what you get.


End file.
